Tax Time

Tax Time

Well, they're done. After a week of research on the net, a weekend of crunching numbers and a few more days of data input, our tax returns are finished and in the USPS mailbox.

Once upon a time there was a yearly 1040EZ. Then came marriage and kids and the house and the attempt to itemize, the attempt to figure out the additional child tax credit and the earned income credit.

Every year it’s the same. I hate tax time. I know we could do them in February, but we tend to put off nasty little things at my house until the very last second: cleaning the toilet, weeding the garden, getting that new tire, fixing the leaky gutters, dusting, bills, root canals …

One year a friend was so convinced that we should itemize, he came to our house and went through the entire process with us. Two pots of coffee later, he threw up his hands in despair. We were $200 short of getting extra credit for itemizing. So that the evening was not a waste, we broke out the beer and watched Monty Python. Since then, we do our tax returns all by ourselves.

Each new "tax break" makes my husband wary. He'll call his brother in Wisconsin or a friend in Bucyrus and get as much information as he can. He asks me to ask around and cruise the net looking for answers. What if we file wrong? What if we get audited? Hours and hours are spent obsessing over forms and instructions and warnings. Numbers are crunched over and over.

The last few years have been tougher. The rules keep changing, but so does life: Unemployment, 401K cash-ins, new types of health insurance, HMOs, "17 and under" or "under 17," mutual funds ...

When time expires and we're out of our procrastinating comfort zone, my hubby gets out his “Don’t let the turkeys get you down” coffee mug (sporting meek gray elephants being mercilessly trampled on by a flock of turkeys) and I keep the mug filled with strong black coffee.

Tax time is a three-plus day event. There are numerous trips to the library to download files, forms and instructions and frequent frustration breaks. By the third day there is ice cream in the freezer and cookies on the counter. Once finished and sent we celebrate with burgers and beer (Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper for the kids).

We have never had our taxes professionally done. Why pay someone to do something every red-blooded American can do for themselves? You know, like tying shoes, riding a bike, writing a research paper, driving, taking the ACT, enrolling in college, getting married, buying a house, getting the title changed on a car, signing up for health insurance, applying for a job, retiring …

We drag our feet with so many things, but I don’t think the waiting habit is always bad. Maybe we're not really procrastinating. Maybe we are just taking our time in considering our options. There are lots of choices to consider.

After all, there are at least three different ways to tie your shoes.